Nell and Oliver had huge issues deciding on and managing a budget. Budgeting for a wedding is the most stressful aspect to planning a wedding! No matter what size wedding you want to throw, money will be involved. Money is emotional! Like Nell and Ollie, most couples have never managed a joint budget before. It’s hard! And it’s no fun to talk about! We get it!
We helped them walk through a step by step of the money they had available personally and money they were being gifted by parents. We made them see that being open about the money and costs from the start was the cornerstone to happy wedding planning. We talked about what was most important to them in terms of costs and what they could save on, or even skip when it came to “wedding details.” We helped them understand what was in the joint budget and what could be personal expenditures. We showed them that they didn’t have to spend as much money as a vendor or venue was suggesting. Communicating and asking questions and being open about money, as hard as that is, sets the whole thing off on the right foot!
Allie and Josh had huge emotional hurdles to jump over in regards to their families. Neither set of parents was completely thrilled with how the wedding was going to take place for religious and personal reasons. There was a lot of emotional blackmail going on behind the scenes. It was making the whole experience a nightmare for the couple.
We helped Allie and Josh understand that first and foremost, you cannot change your parents or their feelings and emotions. They might be irrational and even mean, but it’s no use trying to change them or bring them around to your viewpoint. The best thing you can do as couple is to be on the same page yourselves, to trust each other, communicate openly and honestly about why you are making the decisions you are making, and be confident in those decisions. Communicate in an open and honest manner with your parents, even if they are choosing to be miserable about things. As long as you as a couple are on the same team, that’s all that matters.
TIMING AND LOCATION
Lila and Milo were planning a huge wedding with close to 300 guests. The ceremony was taking place in one location, the reception in another and an after party at another location again. There were plenty of people who wanted to help and be involved in different aspects of the day. They wanted to make sure that people knew how and when to move from venue to venue and to coordinate the day so that the celebrations never ran out of steam.
We helped these two with a very strict running order for the day of their wedding. We helped them choose friends and wedding party members to take care of transportation, guest herding, and helping guests know what was happening next. We helped them fill in Excel spreadsheets with detailed times and places people needed to be. We helped them co-ordinate with their venues about what exactly was happening when. On the day itself, Milo and Lila didn’t have to worry about whether the flowers had arrived, whether the bus for the guests was there or who was helping move the extra champagne from the reception to the after party. It was all taken care of!
Jessie had a really hard few weeks leading up to her wedding day. She was concerned about the weather, her parents’ reaction to the wedding weekend, and she was having a hard time dealing with her husband’s siblings. All of this combined was making her a ball of stress and she wasn’t enjoying the exciting days and weeks leading up to the big day at all.
We helped Jessie to see that there were a lot of items in her “basket of worries” that she couldn’t control. The weather? Nothing you can do about that. Parents’ reactions and behavior over the course of a weekend? Also nothing you can do. We talked things through and made her see that she had to let go of those details so she could just start to enjoy the very special time around the wedding. When it came to her future in-laws, we suggested she simply try to ignore their demands on her time, and let them know that she was grateful for their “help” and interest in the day, but she had everything in hand and just wanted to enjoy the time with her friends and family.
You cannot control so much of the details that go into the big day, especially other people involved! Remember to focus on what is most important: you are getting married and starting a new family. That is worth a celebration. Don’t let things you cannot control get in the way of that!